Get a rescue dog
If you’ve been following my advice, you’re already unemployed (or as I’m calling it, employed-ish). This leaves you approximately 10 hours/day with no one to have non-Gchat convos with, other than employees at restaurants and stores that you can no longer afford (sorry).
You totally need a dog. Dogs are like people, in the sense that you can have full conversations with them and no one (in LA) will give it a second thought, but they’re BETTER than people because they won’t keep bugging you with questions like “What are you doing with your life?” or “When are you sending out the rent check?”
While it might be tempting to get a corgi from a pet store (which is still totes adorbs), everyone gives you that “hero” look when you tell them you rescued a puppy. I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve had the following conversation in the past two months:
Stranger: “Omigod he’s ADORABLE.”
Me: “Oh, thanks.” (not that you asked but) “He’s a rescue.”
Stranger: “Oh, wow! That’s so good of you. How could anyone give up this cute little face?”
Me: “I know, right?” (and not that you asked again but) “We found him in a dumpster.”
Stranger: “That is just awful!”
Me: (I totally forgot to mention that WE didn’t actually find him in a dumpster, but that’s where he was found and he was…) “With his six brothers and sisters!”
Stranger: (Fully thinking I deserve a medal at this point) “Did they all find homes?”
Me: (Errr…sir maybe you didn’t hear my inner monologue but I’m not actually the one that found them there, but if I had to guess, I would say…) “Yes, thank goodness.”
