Finally…finally I figured out how to block Farmville and Mafia Wars status updates from my newsfeed. I am incredibly busy being unemployed, and do not have time to scroll through these updates each morning while I try to figure out which friends from elementary school that I haven’t spoken with in 20 years got engaged over the weekend.
But then there was this:
PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning - any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photos, and/or the comments made about my photos or any other “picture” art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee, agent, student or any personnel under your direction or control.
The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law.
Yo. Let’s get really real here. I’ll research it out in a moment, but does common sense dictate that posting a cease and desist order on the same forum where you post self-portrait style fish kiss faces at Coachella (wearing an ill-advised hat, btw) will be legally binding? If that question is hard, picture yourself suing Mark Zuckerburg or the government and using as your primary source of evidence the term “no look, I have it right here on my phone. Bam! What up now, Your Honor! Hey - do you play Farmville?”
Let’s. Be. Real.
You are posting pictures and information about yourself - with tags to tie it to yourself - on the internet. More specifically: on a website who’s mission statement reads: “Facebook’s mission is to give people the power to share and make the world more open and connected.” Even more specifically: on a website with really clearly outlined privacy settings.
So, much in the same way that I didn’t get bad luck when I deleted my mother’s forwards (instead of scrolling down while thinking of a wish and forwarding to 15 people in the next 15 minutes), the US Federal Government is still reserving the right to glance at your sPRinG BReaK!!! album if they have reason to believe you murdered someone on sPRinG BReaK!!
But let’s get to the real issue here: shouldn’t we all be more worried about the ridiculous amount of information we make available to people we DO know? I mean, those are the people that really have the potential to use it. I’ve done the math. I have maybe 25 actual friends, but 1000 Facebook friends. That 975 person difference still have access to my 2006 St. Patrick’s Day photos, and make me completely ineligible from running for office, no matter how quickly I detag. On the plus side, no one else who graduated college anytime after 2004 can run for office either, based on senior week pictures alone.
So…maybe just cut out the “on the way to another drug deal LOL LOL and then Applebee’s LMAO” updates. You’ll sleep better. My newsfeed will be clearer. Everyone will win.
Oh, the promised research: