This is obviously inspired by something I do on the regular. I’ve started to notice the looks.
I’ve developed a voice for Sammy. This voice is two-fold: voice as in personality and voice as in actual voice that I have assigned to him. The physical voice can best be described as Marge Simpson Junior, with the personality of a rambunctious five-year-old child.
The voice started in the house, and was just between me and Sammy’s human father. He would come in the door, and as Sammy jumped on him, I would ventriloquist from the other room “Hey dad! Hey dad! Want to see my paws!? I pooped three times today!” etc.
That was weird enough.
Then we moved on to co-leaving voicemails. I would place the call to human father (because I am the one with opposable thumbs, duh), and start talking - but Sammy would ultimately interrupt me with “Dad! Dad! Mom won’t let me eat the couch again! Can you tell her I just want to eat the couch a little!? Dad! Can you bring me presents!?” etc. We actually had quite a little banter going on, Sam and I, but we still kept it in the family.
Psycho, I know.
Slowly, but surely, this is now a voice that comes out in public. First with friends, but now with utter strangers. As they always do, someone will come up to Sam and say “aren’t you cute?” My immediate reaction is to respond to them as Sam. “Thanks! You’re my new best friend! I love you! Where are you going? Ok, bye!”
I wish I were kidding. The number of people that have walked away with the “Oh my god I’m about to get stabbed by this crazy who thinks she IS her dog,” is on the steady rise.
It’s too late for me, but for the rest of you: don’t talk oh behalf of your dog in public. It’s a total Third Cat situation, and once you start you can’t stop.